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26 March 2017 @ 03:43 pm
The moment of no return  

I'm on the edge of that moment where there is no looking back just because of logistics.

I've received a few texts from the VP of Engineering at O.G. claiming that he'd be willing to work with me if I could clear my head, get my mess behind me and come back to work. I have 3 days until I'd sign the lease on the apartment I was approved for in redwood city. If I was willing to be an adult I could push this back, go step up, do the job, get the apartment and have a tech life in Silicon Valley.

if at any point in the last two weeks she had once said "I love you and want to figure this out" I'd have the strength to do just that, but I don't think I can go to work every day just to come home to an empty house and miss her. She seems so happy with him and I'm so lost without her. I feel like a failure because I can't step up and "be a man" either way and just do the job take the apartment and move forward.

Am I about to go chase my identity, or am I a coward who runs away?

I'm about to lose the ability to make the choice.