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20 August 2016 @ 12:58 pm
I dreamed a disturbing life....  

In last night's dream I was somewhere between 10 and 12 years old and I was not me.... I was a different boy, this boy had a brother who was about 2 years younger than him. We had left our father's home where we lived (the dream never explained why our mother wasn't in our lives, he was a single parent) to visit our aunt. Now, when I say we, I mean myself who was not me, and my dream brother who was not my brother... again, this was a strange thing of almost stepping into someone else's life that has too many shades of my own...

Our aunt was exactly as you'd expect a Disney witch to be, she was old, and wrinkly, walked hunched over with a cane and crotchety, but she lived in a giant beautiful house and we were excited to go stay in a mansion. Our aunt in the dream much like everyone else was no-one I have ever known in my real life.

We were jumping on the bed in excitement at visiting this big amazing place when she came into the room to inform us our father had died and we both fell to the bed in shock. Dead? How could he be dead? He was everything, he was our world, it had always just been him and us against the world and now we were alone. She then abruptly proclaimed that she was not going to be "Saddled with us" and turned and left the room.

In the coming days no-one would tell us how he died, they just wanted to bicker over what to do with us, some of them would say things like "I don't want to deal with children in my life, don't give them to me" while others wanted the insurance money or thought maybe they could get foster money from the state, each person had a different idea on what to do with us. Some wanted to split us up, some wanted to put us to work in factories or coal mines, some wanted to turn us over to the state, but none would listen to what we wanted.

I remember fighting, and crying, and trying so hard to be heard when really, I wanted to curl up in a ball to mourn my father but didn't seem to have the time. Eventually, we ran away.

The fight for survive continued, my brother my dependant, and the world against us and never time to just say good bye or an explanation of what happened.

Like so many dreams there was no resolution. I don't know what happened to alternate universe self, I just know he struggled, I know he felt alone, he felt like he couldn't give up because someone depended on him, he felt like the world was against him, and he felt like his responsibilities got in the way of his needs.

I mourn the life of alternate universe self who parallels my own world in so many ways.