Gypsy
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Gypsy" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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12:01 am
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05:52 pm
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Sunrise Reflection
All he could think as the desert rushed towards him was "This is going to hurt", but he still had enough time to consider the fact that it was really hard to begrudge these particular hunters. They were so creative and resolute. He had eluded so many groups of hunters in the past it was almost a relief to finally be done with this game of...
...Here it comes!...
"OUFF!"
As he lay on the sand in a heap of brokenness he reflected calmly on the surreal cracking sounds his bones made. The novelty of hearing his bones cracked never wore off.
It would be here soon, four hundred years of avoiding it had given him a sense of timing that was impeccable when it came to these things and for once he'd finally be able to see it.
Spitting sand from his mouth and taking stock he could tell he had an arm that had remained unbroken from the fall and was able to use it pull himself up and face the east, also allowing him to look around to survey what he knew would be his surroundings.
Yes, it was a desert, it was vast, it was empty and there was not time to reach any shelter, the drop from the air plane had insured he'd move way too slow to have any chance what so ever and the lack of people or animals to feed on would keep him from healing and having any chance of escape, the only thing left to do was wait for the inevitable.
He wondered if it was still as beautiful as it was four centuries earlier or if even the sun itself had changed in this time along with the world around him.
It would have been nice to have been able to recount the story and tell others that for the first time in years a hunter had surprised him, had done something so unexpected, and that after all these years even if it means his end it was a wonderful relief to have a surprise yet again.
And now, as the first glow of orange hit the sky before him he reflected, his mind reflecting back thinking about a little girl he hadn't even thought about in centuries. He could see her face as if she were in front of him, he could smell her hair, and taste her blood. She was his first meal of this life and the only child he ever feed on. It was odd again to relive even the concept of being out of control since his life had been so cool and calculated for so long since then.
How interesting to see streaks of light on the sand before him as if sprayed out. He wondered why he'd never enjoyed it when he'd had the chance.
Possibility is such an interesting thing, almost as interesting as the smell of his own flesh beginning to sear. What if he'd kept control that first feed? What if he hadn't killed that little girl? What if she would of grown up to be the great grand mother of some now unborn child that might of changed his destiny, would he be seeing this visage today?
Pain, what a unique and wonderful experience is pain, what a release, how wonderful.
He took a deep breath cleared his mind and hoped he could hold on long enough to see the entirety of the sunrise before he lost all awareness.
This has been my entry for the Week 6 "Sunrise" in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) therealljidol.
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12:02 am
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03:23 pm
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AJAX requires a SOAP Proxy and the 4 Gotcha's involved as well as their PHP Solutions
So, I've been working on this whole new SOAP based web service project for Table Trac lately which has yielded a great deal of interesting bits of knowledge.
First off, because Table Trac runs their web services on a different port then the site that is using them I've learned that the xhttp object which is used to talk back to the server for SOAP is restricted by most browsers to only talk to the site it came from. So, for me to talk to a different port I need to set up a proxy on the base port to proxy the SOAP over to the other server.
Because Table Trac has decided on PHP for their web technology choice (we all know I have wet dreams about PERL and it would of been my first choice) I've written the proxy in PHP.
So, I used the code from this guy's blog to base my proxie on so I could avoid curl (it just seemed like extra I didn't need to require curl).
So, first gotcha:
My proxy has to give the right headers, it needs to say it's feeding back xml not html.
In PHP the command for this is: header('Content-type: text/xml');
ok, so that was an easy one..... but try this....
I got the proxie up and running it and started hitting it with SoapUI (a great tool for dealing with Soap), and I'm pulling down the prototype for my class but all the methods are still calling to the original port, not the proxy! So, check this out... there is a line in the description of the service that defines where to hit the classes... At the bottom of the definition is a tag called soap:address, if you don't use a reg_replace to swap out the old location you are screwed because your proxy just stopped doing what you want it to do. (don't worry I'll share all the code at the bottom of the document here).
Headers, Headers, Headers, Headers oh my!
Just to be extra special SOAP can't seem to get by with standard headers on it's packets, it needs to create a special header which tells the server which action it's calling, this header is called "SOAPAction:" (again, I saw this because I was using SoapUI ). You can see all the headers in PHP by calling getallheaders(). If I hadn't been going crazy (because of this next issue) I might not of noticed this one.
DAMN You Post and All You Stand For!
OK, so in the HTTP/CGI world data is passed to you through either get or post, and PHP is real cute in that they bundle your get request into an associated array called $_GET and your post into $_POST and they even have a combined one called $_REQUEST ... so yeah, ok great, we've had CGI.pm for years and have been able to do this all the way back to cgi-lib if we really wanted to but even I don't know how to get the $HTTP_RAW_POST_DATA in PERL (I'm sure it's probably in an environment variable but, who cares right? wtf). That is the big scary. SOAP does not bother with standard POST, it posts it's whole envelope raw, this is the only way to proxy it.
So.... Sumation: massage your definitions to say your methods are at your proxy not the source, use the right headers, include the SoapAction header, and these are not your grandfather's posts (they are actually something much more primative).
(I'll edit this post next week and drop in the code for the proxy for the next poor schmuck who finds my post in frenzy of google panic looking for these solutions).
(if you are a geek and know the pain that is my 4 days of lost life to these stupid things you should link this to increase it's pagerank and help other geeks find it)
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: Body of a Robot
Tags: ajax, javascript, php, proxy, soap
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11:02 pm
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11:51 am
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Adventure on the High Seas of I-90
Start Meta
Oh look! A topic that doesn't count! So, I think I'll do meta on this one just because I can... Mwahahahaha... Ok, well, for the rest of you who don't really want to know what my thought process is you can skip down to the "End Meta" and be thankful for the tag.
Since the topic was Thankfulness I thought I about writing a "I'm Thankful for Meta" because honestly meta is reason for me to skip a post… I figure if someone is going to start their post by whining about the topic I can save time by not reading the post they were whining about writing. So, thank you all you people who vomit meta all over the start of your post for saving me time.
I considered writing a humor post at first where I would be thankful for tin cans or beer or farts (because we'd all explode without them). I also considered writing a sad post such as "Thank you Dad for causing me so much pain and there by teaching me to be strong enough to face those things I needed to face later in life"... but, you know what, that's just down right whiny.
Finally I decided I'd write a thank you letter to my ex-wife's current husband. I've been saying I was going to send him a thank you card for years. He made her life better, in turn making her less combative for me and ultimately a more attentive mother for my daughter. So, both my daughter's lives and mine were ultimately improved by his coming into her life and making it better. I started this thank you letter four times, and just can't get it written.
So, instead you get the story of what happened to me on my way home from Thanks Giving with my family.
End Meta
Thanks for Nothing Ass Hole! Wish I'd bought gloves at Wal-Mart, that whole desire to not give them any more money then I'm forced to just because I hate the company as a whole is biting me right now. Hey Man, give me a lift?! Fuckyouverymuch! Don't they see the four ways flashing behind me? I'm not some crazy night time hitch hiker, fact is if I were hitch hiking for real I'd be smart enough to not do it in this cold or after sun down. I know the rules of hitch hiking, I survived that way long enough. There is no way I'd be doing this by choice.
The two plus mile walk in the dark and cold back to the gas station gives me lots of time to review the situation. Gives me time to curse every driver who changes lanes rather then stopping to give me a lift to the gas station. It gives me time to curse the name of the mechanic who had just replaced the motor on this van for me. It gives me time to curse AT&T for not having service in the middle of BFE. It gives me time to be thankful that the car broke down so close to a gas station.
Blowing in my hands for warmth I walk up the ramp towards the green glow of the BP sign as a car about 20 yards ahead of me pull off on the side. I wonder what this guy is doing. Is it a misguided desire to help now that I'm already almost at my target and it's really too late to help? Are they going to try to jump me? I know I was looking for a ride earlier but my gut tells me that they stopped to far away to want to help. I wonder what if I ended up bleeding and broke at the side of the road then what will happen to my family waiting for me in the broken down van just over 2 miles away? How long will they wait? I roll my shoulders and loosen up for combat just in case, wishing I'd brought a weapon with me, a stick would of been nice. Then I hear doors close as the car pulls off just as I'm getting to it. I breathe a sign of relief and thanks that their stop really had nothing to do with me.
Looking back over my shoulder I can see billboard advertising a nice hotel just 13 miles down the road in Albert Lee. For just a moment I'm flash forward away from this cold and irritation. I think my rule of "always pack your swim suite when you travel" will come in handy and I'm suddenly in the warmth of the hotel jacuzzi with the child and dogs and bird all settled in a room. Ultimately, this fantasy fades to reality as I am again thankful that this gas station is actually open. I am thankful that I took the main highways and not the back-roads.
The gas station attendant is a pleasant man and for this I am thankful, I've known too many people in positions like his that were bitter and frustrated with their lives. Deciding between random towing companies the attendant and I agree that "Express Towing" sounds faster then "Al's Towing" and fast is good so my friend the attendant calls Express Towing for me.
While I wait we talk about the cats who live outside his gas station who keep the mouse population down and also about the fact that phone service sucks. I learn from this public servant of the road ways that road construction cost this little gas station $150k during Sturgies week last year, and that Nextel bought Midwest Wireless which was bought by Verizon (which to me means there is a real phone service in Storm Lake for my next trip), and most importantly I learn that if you turn off your phone and back on sometimes you find a signal.
Thankful for this advice and finding 4 bars after a reboot of my phone I call my buddy back home...
*ring*
"Hey whats up?", caller ID is a good thing.
"Are you still in Wisconsin?"
"Nope, got back yesterday"
"Cool, So, Were you planning on driving to Albert Lee tomorrow with an empty car and coming home with a full car?" I ask him mockingly.
"It wasn't on my todo list..."
Welcome to the world of buddies where we each go out of our way to do things for each other over and over again. Family grumbles the whole time but a buddy never grumbles because he knows the next time will be him calling you for a bail out of a jam. This is our dance, the dance of bailing each other out. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to lose his Sunday to a trip to Albert Lee, he'd rather stay up late on a Saturday night. There goes my dreams of Jacuzzi time, I guess I will instead wait in the van with my family most of which is non-human and doesn't understand the wait for an hour and a half until he gets there.
The wait is uneventful with the child sleeping, the dogs whining, the bird cuddling, and us talking in the front seat staring at a auto mechanic shop that won't be open for 2 more days. The ride home is filled with discussions of business, marketing, structure, and plans to try to take over the world.
Finally, unloading all our bags and animals and sleeping child I think about dealing with mechanics and decide I'll leave that for another day because now I'm just thankful to finally be home.
This has been my entry for the "Free Topic" in therealljidol of "Giving Thanks". There is no need to vote, I'm just posting to keep the beat in the contest.
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03:36 pm
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TroubleShooting == Dyslexia
It is amazing the similarities dyslexia and software trouble shooting can be.
Some times I'll see a word and tell and say something to the person I'm with and because I have years of coping mechanisms it's always a word now... see my brain will find the best word it can find for the jumble of letters and some times it's a different word... but when the other person points out the right word then it's like it was always that word and I was just crazy.... things don't move I just all the sudden realize it's always been that way. This can be very frustrating, and often times you feel like you are losing your mind. I have childhood "tapes" around this too, my mom used to send me to the store to get stuff and when I'd screw it up because I read the label or list wrong she was less then kind about my ineptitude... so, when those things flash up then those tapes play in the back of my brain just compounding the issue. But, I'm mostly good these days, good coping tools.
That being said, sometimes troubleshooting software is like that, you spend hours and hours looking for a problem and when you see it you find that you've looked right at that code a hundred times in the last few hours and don't know why you didn't see it. You feel stupid for missing it and losing all that time for something so small and stupid. I hate that.
I've lost 5 hours over the last two days to such a problem. I hate that.
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06:54 pm
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Save the Date! Dec 17, 2009
The Movie Fallen City by Ka Vang and Team Chow Fa is scheduled to premier locally in the Twin Cities on Dec 17, 2009.
I have a small role in it:
When you hear the voice in this preview saying "The Dead walk among us, but you won't take my soul devil, you won't take my soul" that's me.
This was shot forever ago so I'm happy to see it coming, and these are neat people, we/they would appreciate the support.
Contact me or just post a comment here if you want to get details when I know them on the locations and times of the premier.
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02:31 pm
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Mac User Captain's Log Stardate 1
This is my first day as a legitimate mac user.
Granted I've had this thing since Tues night but this is really the first hardcore day of working where I've been focused that I've just been using it as a tool.
I spent Tuesday night trying to get things set up as best I could, worked a very short day Wed at the contract job and left early where I was muddling through using the mac. So, today is my first real day as a user.
My plan had been to virtualize my old pc laptop and throw it in vmware on the mac, I haven't gotten that completed yet, but I have backed up most of it to an external hard drive. When I tried to virtualize it I got the scare of my life. The program from vmware that I thought was supposed to virtualize the thing onto an external hard drive where I could then bring the image back over to the mac in vmware. This program scared the crap out of me, because I was trying to be extra careful to not lose data (this was the point of virtualization) and I started the process, walked away and came back and my machine had reverted as if it were new.... I'd thought it had destroyed my machine... I was near tears.... it turns out that in order to copy the files that were being used it made a temp profile and rebooted into that one, when I rebooted again it had reverted and all was well, but still that was a very scary experience.
So, I switched from pidgin to adium (the mac equivilant) so I can still have all my different IMs in one chat client. Haven't figured out if I can bring my 8 years worth of pidgin logs into Adium (they ARE built on the same libraries).
Also, because I bought this thing slightly used (5 months old) it had a different username when I go to terminal then I wanted. Now, I know this is a petty thing and most mac users would never see that but I spend a lot of time in ssh and now terminal and I could tell right away I was going to get tired of looking at this guy's name. I found an article that said it was only for advanced users and a novice should try, but it turned out to be mostly unix type stuff so I felt comfortable and just did it, so now it feels like it's officially mine when I go to shell! YAY!
I still haven't found a viable replacement for my old livejournal client since it was pc only, anyone have any recommendations?
Also, I've discovered a really cool thing called spaces, where you create multiple desk tops and can toggle between then and then tab within windows there. So, now I have a space for personal management: calendar, email, project manager, ect... one for articles.... one for LJ Idol... one for articles I'm reading... one for the contract position and the work I'm doing there... and one for research... and one for itunes... it's very spiffy.
I was pretty sure I wasn't going to like their version of alt-tab when I first started using it but I've quickly become acclimated.... I used to alt-tab through windows.... now I command-tab through applications, and comand-~ through windows within that application.... and with spaces that all happens within the space I'm on which makes it very nice.... now if I could just find a comand combo to switch spaces instead of using my mouse in the corner.
oh well, back to work.
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06:34 pm
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Lie for me...
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )
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07:10 pm
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Multimedia message
Mac and sushi
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06:20 pm
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Multimedia message
My new mac and nano
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12:15 am
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Sexual Exploration on planet 537-62-9-6635
Congratulations on your choice to take your vacation with Symbot Interstellar Travel and Vacations, Inc. the Galaxy's number one interspecies sexual exploration company.
You've made the right choice in planet 537-62-9-6635, this is a very exciting and unique recreation location. We hope that this small set of rules and guide lines help to make your visit more pleasurable.
Restrictions: Only class 4, class 7, and class 93 races may visit this planet, if you are not of these race classes you are not allowed to visit this restricted planet, please speak with your Symbot representative immediately to reschedule to a different location.
Class 4 Race Restrictions: If you are a class 4 race please keep in mind that you must keep your visage device active at all times because 537-62-9-6635 is an non-inducted planet. It is also required that you keep your shloup hidden at all times, races of 537-62-9-6635 do not have shloups and exposure of a shloup may hamper your experience.
Class 7 Race Restrictions: The dominant species of 537-62-9-6635 is a class 7 race, please check with your representative for a skin color pallet to verify or adjust your flesh tones to match that of the dominant species.
Class 93 Race Restrictions: Class 93 races are not to engage with the dominant species of this planet. You will be directed by your representative to the appropriate species for your Sexual Exploration Vacation.
Rules of Sexual Exploration Vacations:
1) Non-Sentient and Non-Communicative Races may not be explored with.
Based on Interstellar legal code 49984.3 zed: In order for inter-species sexual conduct to be legal all parties must be capable of communicating their intent to participate and be self aware enough to be capable to give consent.
Special Clarification for non-inducted planets: It is not required for one member of the sexual conduct to divulge their interstellar origins on non-inducted planets.
Planet 537-62-9-6635 Consentable Races: There are two races on planet 537-62-9-6635 that are consentable. The dominant species known locally as humans are consentable for Class 4 and Class 7 races. For Class 93 species the race known as rhinoceros is consentable. It is very important that because this is an uninducted planet you are to under no circumstances alert either race to the fact that the other is sentient, both races believe they are the only sentient race on this planet.
2) No cross breeding with uninducted planets.
Based on Interstellar legal code 64942.5 funt: Visitors are not allowed to pollinate while sexually exploring indigenous species of uninducted planets. This is not possible for Class 4 and Class 93 races. Class 7 Races must subject themselves to temporary sterilization before their trip. Please see your representative about having this procedure preformed.
Special Note: Symbot Interstellar Travel has a zero tolerance policy for violation of this rule because of prior incidents resulting in a group of beings known as "Bushes" in which it was determined that cross pollination with this particular race can cause a decreased intelligence.
Basic Tips Hints and Etiquette while visiting 537-62-9-6635:
The dominant species calls themselves "Human" and gather in colonies called cities. They often enter into complex pre-mating rituals in gathering places called "bars" where they diminish their aversion to other humans by consuming mind numbing substances. Your experience will be greatly enhanced if you purchase our special training video called "How to get lucky on 537-62-9-6635" where you will learn techniques such as the ever so popular "What's your sign baby" and "Want to see my corvette" techniques and many more. This training video is not included in your package and my be purchased seperatley, please speak with your representative.
Also, "Humans" will choose to make connections with others through primitive communication systems called "Dating Web Sites" where prospective mates list their value characteristics for others to choose from. For a small fee one of our qualified representatives will make you an entry in one of these systems and begin relations on your behalf before you arrive so as to increase your chances of success. We have found that humans will believe anything they read on this communication system called "The Internet" and by writing appropriately phrased descriptions you can be seen as much more desirable to this species.
There is also a concept unique to 537-62-9-6635 that they call prostitution, your representative may provide you with local currency that you may trade for immediate sexual favors. If you chose to use this method we recommend the purchase of our video course "So You Want to Buy It" which details the specifics on how to hire a prostitute.
It is important to note that both consentable species of this planet only have two genders, it is important that any visitors respect this and only behave in accordance with duel gender practices.
It is also important to read the orifice map before embarking on any activities with members of these races so as not to interact with the wrong orifice. Please avoid interjections into the mapped points marked as Nose, Ear, and Eye.
For Class 93 races please note that the protrusion on the front of the rhinoceros is not a flarnflath no mater how much it looks like one, do not attempt to sit on it.
Remember to have fun and when confronted about your purpose on this planet you are to lie, doing so is in line with common mating rituals of this planet.
We hope you enjoy your trip to 537-62-9-6635 and remember your representative is always there to help and answer all questions.
This has been my entry for The Real LJ Idol Season 6 Week 4 Sexual Ethics... If you would like to vote for this entry click here
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12:09 am
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Cake Pirates Level 15 Tips and Tricks
Well dear friends, I was sucked in by a combination of horrible evil flash games and my core addictive personality.
For the last 3 weeks I've been trying very hard to beat this stupid game called Cake Pirates, I have found several links to it and will list them for you:
Also I've found these links to various Cake Pirates Tips and tricks:
ok, so at this point I'm sure my friends are saying "so what", but here is the deal, if I but plenty of real content on here and relevant links then google will see it as better content and it is my intent with this post to save some sad person the crazieness I went through involving obsession with this game.
Most of the tips are dumb, they say tower placement is everything put they don't point out that mixed towers need to go on corners because their ranges are round.
Also, that ALL the levels are more sea creatures then air creatures, so long runs of straight lines should be mostly sea towers aimed upwards (never aim downwards with a sea tower).
And most of all.... Level 15 (the final level) will drive you insane.... The solution that makes it very clear is to make a row of mixed towers across the top left piece of land on the screen where they can reach BOTH canals and use that are mixed towers, then upgrade them to level 3 and use the mint-egg-flower mix with them... this mix will give each of them a 33% chance of causing each strike to cause the enemie to go back in time to the place they were hit 5 seconds after being hit. If you put enough of those towers right there you will be fine because statistically ALL enemies will reset at least once if not an infinite number of times.
This is the setup before upgrades:
A couple of important tips:
- I have a mixed tower on the corner on the left, this is for a spread of attack
- The row of mixed towers across the top are in a good place to reach both canals but obstruct making a third row of towers in that land
- In order to get BOTH of those air towers left of that bottom palm tree you need to squeeze that mixed tower far left
If you upgrade each of the air towers to level 2, make all 5 of those mixed towers at the top (five including the one peeking in the edge of the image) to level 3 and give them mint-eggs-flower you should be fine.
It took me forever to figure this out, and was a frustrating puzzle who took too many hours out of my life that I will never get back.
Also, just in case you want it, this is what I have of the documented waves for level 15 (incomplete) :
1- 6 Jellyfish HP60 speed 1 dam 1
2- 8 Sea Crab HP30 Speed 3 dam 1
3- 12 Starsea HP20 Speed 4 dam 1
4- 6 Snail 40 2 1
5- 10 Bat HP 25 Speed 2.5 dam 1
6- 12 Birds HP 24 Speed 3.5 dam 1
7- 6 Sharks HP 50 Speed 2.5 dam 2
8- 8 Octopus II HP 53 Speed 2 dam 2
9- 12 Penguin HP 47 speed 2.5 dam 2
10- 1 Boss Snail HP 150 Speed 2 dam 4
11- Eagle HP 47
12- 10 Jellyfish HP 70 Speed 1 dam 2
13- 12 Octopus HP 75 Speed 2 Dam 2
14- 14 Seastar hp 37 Speed 4 Dam 2
15- 6 Snails Hp 50 Speed 2.5 Dam 3
16- 12 Bat HP 67 Speed 1.5 Dam 3
17- 15 Bird HP 60 3.5 3
18- 6 Shark HP 65 2.5 3
19- 12 Crab 60 2.5 3
20- 2 Boss Penguin 350 2 5
21- 17 Penguin 75 2 3
22- 10 Jellyfish 90 1 3
23- 15 Eagle 80 2 4
24- 15 Bat 95 1.5 4
25- 15 Bird 83 3 4
26- 7 Snail 70 2.5 4
27- 7 Shark 100 2,5 4
28- 18 Octopus II 80 2 4
29- 20 Seastar 67 4.2 3
30- 2 Boss Sea Star 450 2.5 5 (both on same side requires 4 level 3 sea minimum)
31- 15 Red Crab 90 2.5 2
32- 10 Jellyfish 100 1 4
33- 20 Seastar 75 4.2 3
34- 15 Eagle 90 2 4
35- 7 snail 90 2 5
36- 15 Bat 120 1.5 5
37- 15 bird 90 2.8 5
38- 7 Shark 110 2.5 5
39- 18 Octopus II 100 2 5
40- 2 Boss Jellyfish 600 1.5 6
41- 15 Eagle 100 2 5
42- 7 Shark 125 2.5 5
43- bat 125
44- 15 bird 100 2.8 5
45- 8 Snail 110 2 6
46-
47-
48- 15 bird 110 2.8 6
49- 15 Octopus II 140 2 6
50- 2 Boss Crab 850 1.5 7
51- 15 Red Crab 150 2.5 6
52- 10 Jellyfish 180 1 6
53- 20 Seastar 100 4.2 6
54- 15 eagle 160 2 7
55- 8 snail 160 2 7
56- 15 bat 185 1.5 7
57- 15 bird 165 3.2 7
58- 7 shark 170 2.5 7
59-
60-
lastly, if you are a friend of mine please take a minute to link to this post to give it a higher rank in google so the next schmuck who is searching for the answer to this level to get their life back can find my post. Thanks.
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08:14 pm
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Smile vs Inner Voice
"What do you mean it takes fewer muscles to Smile then it does to frown? What kind of crap is that?!? If that were the case a smile would be the state our faces automatically go into when we rest or sleep and it wouldn't be so much work to smile! I can't believe you believe that type of crap!"
That was my inner voice screaming at the top of it's lungs, it was the answer I wanted to give but I knew better. I knew this type of answer would cause me way too many troubles so instead I forced those few muscles on either side of my face to contract as best I could muster.
She would go on to tell me that my sour mood was not going to ruin her fun and that I should just pretend to be happy until I was. This was always her answer, lets not cure the issue, lets just pretend it doesn't exist. These pre-teen experiences were the beginnings of a long time love affair between my inner voice and the smile.
.....Skip Ahead a few years.....
"Was she smiling at me? Or was it someone behind me? Do I look behind me? I'd look like and idiot if I do and no-one is there. Do I smile back? I'd look like an idiot if there is someone behind me. Oh Shit! What if I know her and just don't recognize her! What Do I do? I'm such an idiot! Why did she have to smile this direction? My life was so much simpler before she did!"
Panic is the truth my inner voice embodies in my late teens. Specially, when a pretty girl smiles in my direction. Not such a far cry from the rebellion of a few years ago but enough different to be a new era. A smile is such a simple thing, every baby is born knowing how to do it and yet here I am in total panic as a result of one. So ambiguous, so distracting, misleading. It requires my attention and calls my action, and yet I'm just not sure how to react.
.....Skip Ahead a few years.....
"She looks so sad. You should cheer her up. No-one should sit at the bar alone and sad like that. Use humor, be self deprecating, reach for something everyone can connect with, step up, be a man and make her life better, then walk away, don't let it be about you, don't let it be trying to get ahead with her, just make her smile and leave, that's it tell her to smile and give her a reason!"
"Smile, It could be worse, you could be stuck with me for the rest of your life. I know, because I am." I say sporting my own half hearted smile.
She doesn't smile, she looks at me like I'm insane. My attempt at humor and self deprecation has failed, my miss-guided attempt to follow my inner voice's directions has not only failed to cheer up the poor girl but now she thinks I'm a creep. Slinking off is all that is left.
.....Skip Ahead a few years.....
"Smile. It is the only thing you can do. You are bleeding, you are in pain, you don't have the strength to stand up right now, just smile. She was right you know, all those times she told you that if you smiled that eventually after faking it long enough you'd feel happy. Be happy that none of those knives found any vital organs. Be happy that eventually you will be able to walk away from this. You will survive. Smile, because they can't beat that out of you, it is your power over the situation."
Some times my inner voice works for me, being my friend, carrying me forward, and reminding me, that my choice to smile and my state of mind are always my power.
.....Skip Ahead a few years.....
"This is why you live. That smile. That smile is everything. See those eyes, she can't talk yet, but this little human, she can smile, and she can convey so much. This is why you did what you did, this is why you will keep moving. So that she will always smile."
Yes, Dear inner voice, you are right, there are no connections to a smile in any synapse still vibrating in my brain that can hold a candle to that smile of that wordless little body that cool fall day wandering back to the car in the Mall of America parking lot. The eyes in that little face connecting her soul back across so many life times, so many births, so many deaths. Right then, she was all of them at once and they were all saying to me "Thank you Daddy, for continuing to be my daddy". Yes, inner voice, this is the smile we've been waiting for all our lives, thank you for calling my attention to that which every fiber of my body already knew.
This has been my entry for The Real LJ Idol Season 6 Week 3 Smile
Tags: ljidol
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12:43 am
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Photo Meetup At Hot Sams
Here are some pictures from the photo meetup today at Hot Sams, I didn't know about this place before today, but it's really cool.
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07:04 pm
[Link] |
Multimedia message
Raven is a zombie teacher for halloween this year
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01:33 am
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Help me pick your top 5 favorites in this set of pictures
I went to a photography meetup event today where we had a model posing for us.
We are supposed to send back 4 or 5 pictures from the shoot.
I'd like your help...
Which 4 or 5 of these 17 do you think are best?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hightekvagabond/sets/72157622575548829/
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08:12 pm
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Some day we'll find it, the modem connection, the hackers, the phreakers, and me
....skeeeeeetch, rrrhhh, ding, boh, ding ding ding.....
Three hundred? Why is it always three hundred? Why did I buy a nine hundred if they are always going to use three hundred?
I don't need to look at the screen, I know the tones.
....sploosh, floth, bloahd...
Water beds shouldn't protest so much, it's their job to support me when I roll on and off of them, so shut up.
.....beep... beep..........beep....beep.......
Yeah, yeah yeah, I know, I knew when you connected you'd be beeping me, thats why I rolled off the bed, don't get your panties in a bunch I'll be there in a second.
.....beep... beep..........beep....beep.......
Shut-UP! I'm coming! I swear if you guys weren't my only friends I'd unplug the damned thing.
Arc connected at 300 baud.
Arc: are you there?
Arc beeped
Arc beeped
Arc: come on man pick up
Arc beeped
Arc beeped
Sysop signed on.
Sysop: I'm here man, what's up? And when you going to get a decent modem?
Arc: can't afford one
Sysop: carry papers, it sucks but it makes money, or go box some phone booths, just don't do the same one twice, thats how monster got busted
Arc: Yeah, yeah, You still got that defcon program you and your buddy wrote?
Sysop: yeah, but it's lame, sure it makes it look like you are hacking the pentagon but it's not like in wargames, I can't get hot chicks into my room to see me run it
Arc: dude, did you really think it would work like the movies?
Sysop: it was worth a try
Arc: well, I told a chick I could do it, I need the program
Sysop: What do you have to trade?
Arc: I have some hot ascii art
Sysop: the last one you sent me was so big I couldn't see it all on my little tv
Arc: no, man, really, this one is good, you can see the whole thing and the nipples look real
Sysop: ok, let me switch disks so you can upload
Arc: How do you do that? noone else I know can keep their forums up and data at the same time
Sysop: my friend at the college helped me solder a third floppy drive onto the bus it was way cool.
Sysop: data disk is in, you can upload.
Arc beginning upload now...
Arc completed upload...
Arc: that is cool man, I didn't know that was possible
Sysop: It was in compute a few months ago, speaking of which, I should have this month's programs from compute typed and on the boards this weekend, almost done with them
Arc: Awesome, I'll dial up on sunday
Sysop: hang on a second man
Arc: ok
Sysop: My mom says I have to come eat dinner with the family, I switched disks you can download defcon, see you later.
Sysop singed off.
Arc: bye
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Oh, for the days of 300 and 900 baud modems.
When the Internet was not a known entity.
When computer porn was all letters and numbers arranged artistically to look like body parts.
And when Geeks were geeks and they worked hard at it.
Yes, that was my up hills both ways days, those were the times I look back on.
Sure, now, if I want to do something with a computer I hit google and the answer is a few clicks away, but there was a time we all just had to figure stuff out on our own. It wasn't glamorous like the movies. And we had to learn that part too.
Like I told Arc, we thought we could be cool like Matthew Broderick and get hot chicks by hacking the pentagon so we wrote a program that made it look like we were hacking without getting in trouble. The problem is that young teen aged boys really can't get hot chicks into their bedroom to look at their computers, specially when said boys are anti-social nerds.
It amazes me the amount of work I went through learning computers in the early days and how much trouble it was.
I remember breaking into computer labs in the middle of the night just to be able to read help files (Vax/VMS has help files not man pages), I remember typing for hours until my fingers cramped painstakingly copying some program out of a magazine someone else wrote, then seeing how I could change it to make it better.
I remember trading with people, 1 full floppy for 2 empties, because floppies were expensive.
No, no hard drives, no thumb drives, and everything was manual.
So, yes, for my data and my coding I walked up line both ways, without a hard drive, and there was line noise all the way.
This has been my entry for The Real LJ Idol Season 6 Week 2 Up Hills Both Ways
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10:55 am
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Quick Little Update
Went to the Semi Finals for Sing Minnesota last night with Mick. She didn't make it through to the finals which was stupid because she was better then at least 3 of the 5 people who did.
I'm hung over today because I drank too much at the bar last night, the problem is pretty straight forward. I track my beer when I go out by pitcher, I drink a pitcher plus a glass and thats about right for me. But when other people want to drink out of my pitcher it is hard to explain to them that it throws off my count, because then they have a glass and I get a second pitcher then I end up draining that one. How do you say to someone "I'd love to share my beer with you because I'm a friendly and generous guy, but it ruins my count"... oh well... I had fun.
Almost skipped going into my contract gig because of the hang over but came in anyway and when I got here I got a skype from Tony (sits in the office next to Chad who owns the company) that said:
I heard Chad singing your praises today
"We have the perfect guy that can do that.. we call him Gypsy"
I am happy that you are on good graces with the powers that be.. hope you are here forever.. muuuaaahhahahahaha
So, that was a good way to start things. :)
Makes me feel good about the contract position.
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